just an ella update

being a mom for 5-½ months has brought

with it a lot of responsibility. the responsibility

of keeping a happy home and loving relationship

with dan. the responsibility to respond with

understanding and kindness even when i am

running on empty.

when ella was dealing with colic, my patience

was overflowing. my heart ached and all i wanted

was to be there for her. not once was i ever

frustrated with her, or tired of

holding her while she had to go through that

rough patch.

lately, hormone levels have been changing + the

no sleep thing has really caught up to us.

i had mentioned to dan that i  literally felt my patience

leave me and i don’t know where it went.

i had also noticed my thoughts were different

than normal. i would describe them as

postpartum thoughts. ya know those bizarre,

 thoughts of things you would never do

 the kind of thoughts that i envision floating down a

river on a lily pad and pass through and be ok with it.

because they aren’t me.

they are just thoughts of my hormonal body.

in short, after three nights of battling my thoughts

 and sleep deprivation, my patience returned and i am feeling

back to myself. i don’t know why, or where it went…

but I’m glad its back.

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